Chasing Happiness

At barely 25, I have come to peace with something that I never thought I would be 5 years ago. Hell, even since I was in elementary, I never would have imagined I would find myself in this situation. Where I am chasing happiness. Happiness and comfort over money and experience. Facially, I am one of those who you can brand as someone who chases money. Back in High school, our teacher asked, ‘Who among you wants to be a Politician?’ Two of us raised hands, the other one was the loveable goof of the batch. My teacher commented that he would be a great fit in politics as he has the charm. Comments to me? “You are one of those who would only want to run for money” At that, time she was spot on. Don’t get me wrong, I love that teacher and I was actually surprised that she saw right through me.


Ever since I was a child, I wanted to become a pilot, but boy could I not be more wrong. By High school as well, I realized that this is an impossible dream. Why? Aside from the fact that it would literally take me Millions which we do not have, I am physically unfit, I’m too short, too un-pilot-like (Tall and Philippine-parlance accepted Handsome) looking and I do not have a perfect eyesight, something apparently is a requirement for Pilot. And barring the latter I still don’t have millions to spend.


Then I decided to become an Engineer. Choosing UST was by far one of, if not the best decision I have ever made, as I felt HAAPPY AND CONTENT THERE. What happened to my ECE dream?  Of course it failed, what else did you expect. Not only did I not pass the Boards I generally felt ECE is not for me, I did not excel the way I wanted and even if I put some effort, I really felt no connection to the subjects.


Moving on from one of my biggest failures in life, I decided to work in the IT industry and be still my aching balls! I AM GREAT AT IT. I legitimately enjoy IT-ing and learning new stuff as I move forward. My lack of knowledge did not come as a hindrance, rather, it became a challenge to learn more and more. I can confidently say I instilled a stereotype on ECE to me, I am a jack-of-all basics, master of none. I love breezing through basics of concepts and technologies and learning them.


Envy. Originality. Confidence. Dreaming Big. Physical Attribute. These, I realized, are my most glaring weakness.


Biggest mistake of my life thus far? I left a place where I was extremely comfortable, I left a place where it has accepted me and my body accepted it, I left my Happy Place. Why? Because I thought I could get more. You can and probably will argue that 2 years of experience is not enough but some of my friends were already jumping from company to company getting hired with 1 year experience on their companies. How could I not be empowered to do the same? Learning your batch mates now earns twice as much as you do on similar fields, how could you seriously not want to try other options?


Why am I not given other lucrative opportunity? That has always been my question and I answered it now.


I don’t actually blame employers as my ECE background and my self-proclaimed self-studying WILL NEVER hold ground against actual IT graduates and those with more experience than me. In a sea of potential candidates, of course the best one should be picked.


Plus I will always attribute back to that fact that I am Philippine-parlanced unattractive hahaha Why? I don’t know if this is coincidence but the moment I removed my picture in my resume I started having MORE CALLS than when I had my picture on. and yeah, tons of my pogi friends or babae friends are constantly getting JOBS THEY WANTED.


Also, I did have some job offers and you know what all of them have in common? The job offers I get are from companies where the one that interviewed me were Foreigners. I HAVE NEVER GOT A JOB OFFER from a company where the manager or the final interviewer is a Filipino. How could I seriously not attribute my face there? Call-based I get accepted, Face to face not? Don’t me, I’m ugly, that’s it. Foreigners take chances on me yet my fellow men don’t. If I could, I would seriously consider going abroad but how do I even get VISA, I don’t even have enough to fund myself finding a job on a foreign land. Plus I’m gonna miss my dog. Lol.


Lastly, start my own business? Business of what exactly? I don’t have any specialty, my passion is in IT, and I don’t have the funds (Don’t me on Loan wala ngang maisip na business eh).


This has been my life and statistics would tell me that it would continue to do so. I was stuck on an impasse, but I have made peace with the fact that this is the best I can be. Work -> Bills -> Work -> Bills. With this, I am now continuously searching, actually I am wanting to come back to my Happy Place and never leave. EVEN IF MY BATCHMATES WILL EARN 200K/MONTH I won’t care anymore. I just want to be happy. I want to come back to Happy Place, be content with friends. I have the attitude to want to learn continuously and I want to do it in my Happy Place. I am now searching to be Happy at Work -> Bills -> Happy at Work -> Bills. Never mind the experience, Never mind the money. What I want is to be Happy.



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